Your wedding dress is a pretty important purchase in your life. Even if you’re not big on fashion, it’s a pretty big deal, right? When you get engaged, people ask first if you’ve chosen a date yet, and then if you’ve thought about your dress. It’s high profile.
I didn’t really have a good answer when I was asked those questions early on. I didn’t have a great mental image of the kind of dress I would like. I didn’t grow up dreaming of my wedding day so I didn’t have a style I had my heart set on. I also think maybe because I DO quite like fashion (I studied it at uni and have worked in the retail industry ever since), I just felt like I had too much choice, y’know? Where are you meant to start?
All I knew is that if I was going to put a photo on my mantelpiece for the rest of eternity, I wanted to look banging.
Now, I figured this particular edition of the Wedding Planning Diaries might be useful for anyone currently experiencing the rollercoaster of finding their dress, so just a heads up that I am going to give you all the deets. Like more info than is really necessary. That’s just my style with this particular series lol.
Finding my dream wedding dress
I don’t know about you, but when I thought of finding my wedding dress, I imagined going to a chic bridal boutique with my mum and my friends, drinking champagne, trying on 3 or 4 dresses, exclaiming “this is the one!” and everyone crying because I look so damn beautiful. That’s how it’s meant to go, right?
Turns out in reality it’s not always that easy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a chore, it’s still a pretty fun experience, but it can be a bit of a journey. Mainly because it feels like there’s a lot of pressure to get it right. I mean, you’re expected to look and feel wonderful on your wedding day, and the photos will be on our walls for our entire lives, y’know? Pressure.
Well, here’s how I got on anyway.
Full disclosure, my plan was always to go High Street with my wedding dress. For a couple of reasons. Firstly, because when you put together your wedding budget and realise that you completely underestimated how much things cost, you will look for any area to reduce costs. And the dress is an area you can dramatically reduce costs on by being a bit savvy. Secondly, because I’ve seen a few lovely weddings on Instagram where the bride wears High Street and thought, wow, I never would’ve guessed it was High Street, she looks amazing! (Go look at Beth Sandland wearing ASOS at her micro wedding.) So began extensive research into affordable wedding dresses. (I think I’ll do a separate post on the options because there are a lot of them.)
But ok, here’s the thing. Regardless of what dress I eventually went for, I wanted the ~bRiDaL eXpErIeNcE~. We all do don’t we? I wanted that chic bridal boutique visit I mentioned, with the fizz and the fun. So I decided to book in an appointment at this lovely wedding dress shop I discovered in Berkhampsted – Bustle & Bow. (They had a disco ball and a neon sign so I knew it was the one for me). I went with my mum and thought it would be a good chance to try on some dresses and get an idea of what style I wanted.
This is where I had a bit of an epiphany about the whole choosing-your-wedding-dress thing. I found it so tricky to calibrate what I thought I wanted, with what actually looked good on me. And apparently this is a common thing! We only ever see wedding dresses online on size 6 models, right? So when you’re a curvy girl like moi, you try on these gorgeous dresses and realise that they just don’t work with your body. Which honestly, totally threw me.
I’ll elaborate. Through shopping around online and hours of Pinterest before this appointment, I had decided that I wanted an A-line, tulle dress with straps. Very romantic and soft, with a bit of whimsy, if you get my vibe. Then I walked into Bustle & Bow and straight away picked out the Justina gown by Wilderly and the Amalfi by Luna Willow. They are dreamy (pictured below for your ref). But it turns out… they looked bloody awful on me. Too much boob. Too much extra fabric just making me look wider. Not at all what I had imagined.
I don’t know why I was so mind blown about this. But I couldn’t quite believe that what I wanted was just not right. It’s a bit like going back to square one, y’know? Luckily, Leigh at Bustle & Bow is a dream and recommended a designer that she thought would suit me – Charlie Brear. And thank god, because she was right. Charlie Brear dresses are more fitted and more chic than I would ever have tried. But her gowns are a damn dream and I tried on a couple of dresses that I was like, wow, maybe I do need a designer one?? The best part is that her dresses come with lots of styling options to really make the look your own. Very up my street.
I didn’t impulse-buy though. I went home to think about it and crunch the numbers. I also spoke to my Bridesmaid, Sam, about it and she gave me wonderful advice. If the alternative was to buy High Street, why didn’t I actually try a High Street dress? Now that I know what designer dresses are like, I could try a cheaper version on and see if I can see much difference in it. See if I would rather save money or splurge on the gown.
So I did. I ordered in the Mia dress by Whistles, which was very similar to one of the Charlie Brear dresses I had tried on. And you know what? It was lovely quality. It felt expensive, it was a nice cut, it was a perfectly nice wedding dress.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about the Charlie Brear dress.
I know, I know, what an absolute rookie mistake. I’d tried on the fancy wedding dresses and now I needed to have one. Goddamn beautiful gowns.
I did try to be sensible about it. I visited another bridal boutique near me – Bride Like Me in Pottersbury, Northamptonshire – who also stocked Charlie Brear so I could try on a few different styles and one of the ones I had liked so I could re-evaluate. It gave me time to mull it all over you know? I had also forgotten to take photos at my first bridal appointment (mainly because I thought I was just doing it for fun) so this time I could take photos and show a couple of friends and talk it through.
Well, I finally caved and decided to go back to Bustle & Bow for a follow-up appointment. I went on my own this time which I think was the best decision. Not that I don’t love my mum’s opinion, but I feel like making a decision on my own meant that it wasn’t clouded by anyone else’s opinions. I felt more empowered if that makes sense? And yes, I bought the wonderful Charlie Brear outfit I couldn’t stop thinking about.
I say outfit because it’s actually a dress and cape combo. That’s right, A CAPE. Fuck, I love it. It’s so cool. And so flattering. And yes, I blew the absolute budget lol. I mean, I wanted to show in this post that I was really into the idea of buying High Street, but I ultimately fell in love with a pricey boi and that’s just the way it went. And because I really took time to think about it, I feel like I haven’t got any buyer’s remorse or any regrets. I’m excited to wear my lovely dress and feel like I will really feel good on the big day.
It’s a lot of pressure to find your wedding dress and a lot trickier than I had imagined. But I really didn’t want to be one of those people that has unrealistic expectations and keeps looking for the dream dress that doesn’t exist. I think I found a happy medium. I found an outfit I love and feel good in, but I didn’t shop too much and overthink everything. I was very pragmatic about it. I didn’t cry happy tears, I didn’t try a hundred dresses (I think I tried like 10?) and I didn’t impulse-buy anything. But that’s just who I am as a person, y’know? I thought about it, I feel good about my decision, and I have thankfully ticked another big-ticket item off the wedding to do list. And an exciting one at that! Wonderful stuff.
How’s the wedding budget looking?
Ok, so the last few editions of Wedding Planning Diaries, I’ve been quite happy to review the budget. A few extra hidden costs pop up every now and then, but no huge changes. This time, however… I really overdid it on the dress. I had budgeted £650. I spent over £2k. I KNOW, I KNOW. I’m trying to be more budget-friendly, but I felt like this was ultimately an area I was ok with overspending on. I quashed any thoughts of “But you only wear it for one day!” with “YOLO, this is the only time I’ll wear a wedding dress and it will be on the mantlepiece forever so fuck it!”.
So needless to say the wedding budget is very much in the red. I mean, it was bound to happen. Let’s hope I can claw back some cash in other areas to make up for my cape-of-dreams.
I still have lots to book so I’ll have lots of updates to come. But in the meantime, you can catch up on the series so far over here —> Click here to read more of my Wedding Planning Diaries!
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