We all know the downsides of social media these days. And a big one is that we find ourselves comparing every part of our lives to the people we’re following. It happens. We don’t want to do it, but we do, right? And naturally, whilst we’re at home during lockdown, most of us are experiencing more screen time, more Insta scrolling, more comparisons of how we’re spending this time versus the rest of the world.
And that’s been something playing on my mind the last few weeks.
{READ MORE: The Rona Diaries: A Strange Existence}
It doesn’t matter who you follow, I guarantee there’s been a time when you’ve seen someone baking banana bread, sorting out the garden or learning new skills, and thought UGH. Why am I not doing that? Am I shit at this lockdown thing?
I find it more so with parenting. So many people I follow are doing these innovative things with their children. Coming up with games and activities for their mental stimulation and development. Turning a cardboard box into hours of entertainment, whereas if I give Indi a box she just sits in it and looks at me, like a house cat. And ok, whilst I’m still working, I admit I’ve let Disney+ do a lot of the parenting.
But the thing is, this is new territory for all of us. There’s not a right or wrong way that we should be spending this time at home. It’s just about coping and making the most of it the best way we know how. So for the productive people you see online I’m 100% certain that they’re the type that need to burn energy and do all the things to take their minds off of the current pandemic. That’s not everyone. A lot of us need rest and, dare I say it, self care, to get us through this weird situation. (*Places Glossier order*)
I saw someone say the other day that although we’re all in the same storm, we’re not all in the same boat. And I have to remind myself of that when I start getting mum guilt about how much TV is on in our house everyday. Because the thing is, I’m still working full time. So I can’t spend as much time with Indi as I would like. And we live in a small place without a garden, so I can’t do the water play or get her a sand pit or just let her run wild. All that matters during this time is that I keep her safe and healthy and happy. And I think she is moderately happy, despite the hours of CBeebies and minimal dvelopmental games. We read to her and play with her and giggle and draw. It’s more than enough.
And the same could apply to you if you rent so you’re not able to decorate and paint like a lot of people you follow. Or you’re working so much right now that you don’t have time to start new hobbies or have daily zoom calls with your pals. Or hey, if you’re a key worker, life will be very different than what you see on Instagram right now. Y’know like actually being on the front line! (Thank you for that by the way.)
What I’m getting at, is that we are all in different situations during this time. And we can’t all do those wonderful activities.
Or maybe you do have the time, but you’re just a terrible baker or get no joy from gardening. So you don’t want to do all that stuff but feel pressured that you should be using this time to do something productive. But that word productive is what’s key here. It’s not very productive to do something you have no interest in just for the ‘gram. What may be productive for you is to binge 8 hours of Netflix, because you need to relax and let your mind process what’s happening right now. Maybe you need to lose yourself in a book during lockdown to stop you thinking about ol’ Rona.
Actually that reminds me, there’s that poem going round on social media by Kitty O’Meara that goes “And the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, and played games, and learned new ways of being, and were still.” It goes on to list more things, and is a lovely poem, but everytime I read it I compare my own state of affairs and lol at the complete lack of all of those things! Rest? With a 1 year old? Yeah, ok hun.
What’s worrying me is the dreaded question we’ll be faced with when all of this is over. When the worst is over, when lockdown is done, when we’re back at our desks in the office, whenever that may be, and Karen from accounts says – Ooh what did you do with all that time off?!
So basically, exactly like when you get back from maternity leave and have to explain to people that YOU WERE CREATING LIFE, THANKS. Except this time it’ll be I WAS WATCHING DRAG RACE, IS THAT OK WITH YOU??
Here’s the thing. We are all in different situations and all need different things for our own mental health. Comparing ourselves to someone online is never going to make us feel good. We’ve just gotta get through this time, do what we have to, and do what makes us happy.
Whether that involves baking banana bread or not.
Head on over to my Instagram for regular updates on lockdown life, containing a toddler and bingeing Disney+.
Totally relate to this post Kara, thanks for sharing! It is so hard not to compare yourself with others on Instagram. Although we have been doing some baking and doing up our garden, (I am super grateful for having that space btw – really feel for you and others that have no outside space)
The majority of the time I feel like an exhausted pigeon and live in my PJs until lunchtime, as even at nearly 8 months my baby doesn’t sleep through the night 🤪. Then I look on my stories at see other mums who are up doing a 6am yoga class and making their babies dinners look like bloody rainbows and unicorns!
I think you’re doing a fab job by the way. I can’t imagine how difficult it is to WFH and try and entertain a toddler x