Recovering From Childbirth

Much like everything else in pregnancy and childbirth, the aftermath of having a baby is nothing like I thought it would be.

I expected there to be sleep deprivation and I knew there would be a day when I felt a bit teary. But generally, I thought those first weeks would involve lots of staying in bed with my newborn, bonding as a new family of three and binging a Netflix series or two.

That’s what all the books tell you postpartum life is like, but that’s not really how it went for me. Despite how rosy everything looks on Instagram.

The reality has been a lot more difficult with some complications in my healing, constant appointments for both me and Indiana and a bout of the baby blues. It’s actually had quite an impact on my mental health and I thought it was something I should talk about, because it just took me by surprise.

Recovering From Childbirth

The Postnatal Ward

Immediately after Indiana’s birth we were moved from the labour ward to the postnatal ward. Something I knew happened as standard. But we then had to stay there for 2 nights as Indi wasn’t taking to breastfeeding.

That all sounds fine I know, but the reality was awful. We bloody hated that ward.

You’re in a room with 6 babies crying, 6 mums also crying a lot of the time and 6 dads attempting sleep on uncomfortable chairs with the weight of the world on their shoulders. Every hour (even through the night) I was told to either have skin to skin with Indi or hand express colostrum, all the while she’s crying to be fed. There was zero sleep and no concept of time, and coming straight from labour and birth it was just such a shock to the system.

I should mention that all of the midwives were amazing. Seriously amazing, and if I asked for support I got it. But they’re clearly under a lot of pressure and I just had no idea what was happening most of the time. It got to the point where I sat and cried and asked to go home. We gave Indi a bottle so we could leave and start newborn life at home where we could do things at our own pace and actually get some sleep between feeds. And it was such a massive relief. I practically ran out of the hospital (stitches allowing) when we got discharged.

Both me and Josh have said that the postnatal ward was the worst part of the whole experience and it really affected our mental health. We had done 4 nights without sleep at this point and were full-on hallucinating. Not the lovely newborn bubble we’d heard about.

First Few Days At Home

By contrast, being at home suddenly felt like a dream. We had a few nights where Indiana wouldn’t settle in her crib, and breastfeeding still wasn’t working for us so she was bottle feeding. But we could take turns sleeping and I had my parents at home to help us. I was suddenly keen to have visitors and show off my new beautiful daughter. This was a brief view of what postpartum life can be like. But it was short-lived.

What I hadn’t read about is how many appointments you have after you have a baby.

On day 3 the midwives visit you at home, checking you’re ok and baby is weighing the right amount. Then on days 5 and 10 you have to actually leave the house. It’s more checks for you and baby but they like you to go to a local family centre rather than getting a home visit.

Then I really felt the anxiety of being a new mum. Is she ok? It’s she warm enough? Is the car seat fitted in correctly?

I think this is all a normal reaction, but if you’ve ever suffered from anxiety before, it definitely feels heightened, y’know?

Baby Blues

The books tell you that you might feel a bit hormonal and emotional around days 3-5 when your milk comes in. But for me, the baby blues hit hard around days 7-9.

I think the anxiety had built up and every little thing just felt monumentally overwhelming. It would get near Indi’s time to feed and I’d start feeling anxious, even though feeding is easy and she’s a dream.

I just felt really low and would cry for no reason. I actually googled the difference between baby blues and post-natal depression, because surely this was worse than the books described? (Actually it seems the only difference is the length of time it goes on for.)

It also wasn’t helped by a comment on Instagram telling me I was a bad mother and should have my baby taken away from me for daring to take Indi to a pub. (For the record it was a pub lunch at a very family-friendly spot and she was perfectly safe.)

So yeah, that wasn’t fun. All I could focus on is that the baby blues are normal and temporary. This too shall pass.

Infection

I think what didn’t help matters is that I didn’t heal the way I was supposed to.

If you’ve read my birth story, you’ll know I had an episiotomy, which is where you’re cut to get the baby out. Ouch. Well when I went for my day 5 appointment, the midwife told me my stitches were infected and I had to be sent back to the hospital. It was a bit of a faf and I ended up having to go back 3 times after having Indi to get various antibiotics. And weirdly I did all of this at the Antenatal Day Assessment Unit (ADAU) so was the only person there not pregnant, which felt a bit strange.

But yes that didn’t really help things, the fact that I kept having to go back to the ADAU. It’s just felt like the birth that would never end.

My latest appointment was this morning at 3 weeks postpartum and finally we’re looking good, lads.

General Healing

Other than the infected stitches (sexy), I’ve also been very aware of the healing process for my body. Your body just feels wrong as everything settles to where it should be and I struggled with backache and walking up and down the stairs. There were also some equally-as-sexy symptoms such as piles and bladder weakness. Yay.

By two weeks I felt like myself again and thought I was fine, but once I started getting out and about, I realised my body was very much still healing. If I walk for a while my pelvis starts hurting, that kind of thing.

So I think it’s really important to remember that it takes 6 weeks to recover from childbirth. That’s why we have the GP checkup at 6 weeks postpartum. So yes, I’m just trying to be patient and remember that I’m still healing, y’know?

The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

I guess the point of this post is just to say that it’s ok to not be ok after birth. That the wonderful newborn bubble the books go on about isn’t always how it goes. And that it takes a while to recover both physically and mentally from such a life-changing experience.

But as I write this, 3 weeks into this mum life thing, I feel a million times better. It’s still hard. Babies are not easy and I would quite like more sleep and more me-time in my life again. But I’m starting to really like being a mum. Mainly because Indiana is the freaking cutest (yes I know I’m biased) and I’m slowly getting the hang of looking after her.

I’m sure there will be more ups and downs throughout this whole motherhood thing, but I just really felt the need to get this postpartum experience down on digital paper to process, know what I mean?

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