I don’t react well when someone says I can’t do something. I’m stubborn and ambitious and I like to believe that I can do anything I set my mind to. So naturally I’m getting a bit fed up of people saying I won’t be able to do something once I have a baby.
Now, I’m not an idiot. I understand that my life is going to have to change in some ways to accommodate this new human I am in charge of keeping alive. But lately I’ve noticed that I seem to have been put in the “mum box” by people. That if I mention something I want to do or accomplish, I’ll get a condescending chuckle from whoever I’m talking to – “Oh but you can’t do that with a baby!”.
Oh silly me. I forgot that the next 20 years of my life have been cordoned off as #mumlife in the minds of others.
I’m used to reading articles about women that want to get ahead in their careers and still have a family. It’s not taboo anymore to want both worlds and we’re starting to see employers and the media changing their attitudes to working mums. I mean it’s not perfect, but still, as a mum-to-be I feel confident that I can still have my career as well as being a good mum to my child.
But what I’m getting a lot of pushback on is everything else.
I’m being told that my “big dreams” aren’t possible anymore.
I have quite a few of these big dreams that I rotate in my head, deciding which one to try first. I’m well aware that I need to start implementing one of them rather than keep thinking about them, and definitely think my thirties are the time to embark on one of these adventures.
One of them is to have my own food truck. Sounds crazy but it’s been brewing in my mind for years and I even bought a domain name for it a few years ago. The other night I watched Chef for the first time and it completely reignited my crazy dream of driving around the country doing festivals and weddings and selling my world-famous cheese toasties to the masses.
Except… you can’t do that with a baby.
An alternative version of this dream is to open my own cafe/coffee shop. It would be hard work and involve more investment but I would just love to have my own business and put all of my creativity and business skills into it. I would have open mic nights and movie nights and book clubs in it. It’s a bit more stable, sure, but would still be hella time-consuming and not exactly secure for a new family so…
…You can’t do that with a baby.
Non-business-wise, I also want to backpack South America. I want to explore Colombia, eat my way through Mexico and dance in the streets in Argentina. Oh and I want to travel to other “non-family-friendly” countries like Cuba and South Africa and Japan and India. But again, I get the push back…
…You can’t do that with a baby.
What, so I’m meant to just stop everything for the next 20 years?
I have other dreams that would probably still be ok. I want to write a book and interrail through Europe and finally work on the Etsy business thing. These all feel more doable, sure. But the fact that people tell me I CAN’T do all of these other things makes me so mad.
I know they will be harder to accomplish with a family. And I am fully prepared to put in more work to make my own dreams allign with raising a child.
I mean yeah you can’t exactly bring a baby into a food truck with all of the hazards in there, but I could grow a side business of it so it doesn’t take me away from my kid too much. Backpacking South America would be difficult long-term but I can definitely do holidays to these destinations with a child, as long as I plan ahead, find family-friendly spots and do my research.
I’m not saying people don’t have a point when they say this to me. They’re right, it could be a little trickier to do these things with le bebe in tow. But I think society as a whole needs to be a bit more open-minded as to what you can do when you have a baby. I’m not resigning myself to solely being a mother for the rest of my life, as fulfilling as I’m sure it will be. I have a whole list of things I want to try my hand at in life and truely believe that I can do anything with the right level of organisation and passion for the project.
My adventures aren’t over, most of them haven’t even started yet.
What do you think? Am I being crazy here? Or can I still pursue my crazy dreams with a baby in tow?
Remember to head over to my Instagram and Twitter channels for more regular updates on my travels (and soon-to-be family dramas!).
*FYI all photos in this post were taken at Hitchin Lavender Fields. It’s v nice there.
Who’s the father?
Erm… my fiance…
Just do it! Both south africa and Japan is really baby friendly! And i know a lot of people that have baby and a coffee shop andfood trucks 👍🏻👍🏻
That’s good to hear! Thanks Marina 🙂
I know the feeling, I have a 15 month old and still have a ton of stuff I want to do. It’s tough, especially for the first year but you don’t change who you are as a person when you become a mum. Wait till people start giving you grief for putting them in nursery because ‘a mum should be at home’. People always have a lot to say, most of it utter nonsense – you do you and don’t sweat it.
Ugh, yeah I’m already getting a lot of unsolicited advice whilst pregnant so I imagine it’s even worse when you have the baby! Thanks lovely.
Not crazy at all! A kid doesn’t stop you from doing things – you may have to change how you approach some things but never let it stop you! I’m sure the baby’s life will be much fuller by having a mum who wants to live life to the full! K x
Thanks Keri! That’s what I think, it’s better for children to learn to chase their dreams by example right? x
Oh my gosh Kara, I love this post! I am so similar to you (though not yet pregnant), but I am stubborn too and if someone tells me I can’t, I work my ass off at proving them wrong.
I’ve also had a crazy dream of having a cafe/coffee shop too .. it’s been in my head for 5 years now.
I have no doubt reading this post that you’ll accomplish your dreams, with baby by your side! 😊
Exactly haha. Awesome, do it! We all have these dreams we think about, I think we just have to find the courage to start! Ah thank you Abbi 🙂 x
Do it all!! You give me hope that when/if I finally decide to have kids I can still do all the things I want to do just with a few plan tweaks and a teeny person along for the ride! I can’t wait to see all the adventures you guys have 🙂
Aw that’s so sweet, thank you Fi 🙂 Fingers crossed this kid likes to travel.. x
I hope you do all these things so you can give all those ‘you can’t do that with a baby’ people the middle finger!
Me too Monica, me too! X
I totally agree with you. I am not even pregnant and still every now and then someone feel to tell me that if I want to go somewhere I should do it now, because once I’ll have baby it will be impossible. Just because you didn’t have the courage to take your baby further than neighbor country, doesn’t mean that everyone else is going to stay at home and never go anywhere again. It is possible. So many travelers have adapted to traveling with children and so can you and I and everyone else who wish to do so. If there is will there is way, right? Good luck on proving everyone wrong!
Thank you! And I totally agree! Nothing’s impossible, it might just take a bit more planning… 😉 x
I love your enthusiasm! Always dream big and never give up! I wrote a book after having my son – two of my biggest dreams right there! The book took a bit longer than expected but it also provided a few more years of perspective which made for a richer story. We don’t have to do everything at once, so give yourself time to rest and enjoy your baby but never think you have to give up your own life. That’s rubbish!
Thank you! That’s awesome, I love that you didn’t give up on your dream! Totally, I don’t want to rush all of these things, it’s more for my sanity that I know I can still do these things in the future, regardless of being a mum. x
Love your post, and I have to say I agree – are we just supposed to become a completely different person once we become mums? And is that good for our future children if we’re not being our true selves and living out our dreams? I think a a woman, you’re a role model to your children to show them that they can achieve their goals. What better way to show them how to do that than by demonstrating it? I’m particularly worried that when I have kids I will have to give up everything. But there are a few modern mums who are proving that’s not necessary.
Also, I’ve just come back from Cuba and I reckon it would be one of the best places to take a baby! And I’ve also stayed in a hostel in Colombia where there were parents with a baby, so it can be done!
Thanks! I definitely think it’s going to be a priority for me to hold onto my identity as I enter motherhood, and I know it will be a challenge. But I agree there are people out there showing us how it’s done. And yes to Cuba and Colombia! I need to start researching family-friendly places in these destinations! x
If you need any help with suggestions I’d be happy to recommend a few places.
Also I think people who say ‘you can’t do that’ are often just projecting their own fears that they think they can’t do something themselves. Just imagine them saying ‘I can’t do that with a baby’ and you realise its actually just them telling you that they can’t do what you’re doing and then you just feel sorry for them! haha!
That’s so true! Definitely a reflection of the person saying it. Thanks! 🙂
As someone who totally plans to continue travelling and living abroad with a baby/children, I really appreciate you for putting this together. We can do whatever we want if we put our minds to it, and we shouldn’t let society or anyone else tell us that we cant!
Thanks Emma! Yes, absolutely! x
I love this! Me and my husband are really wanting to start a family but I have so many dreams and travel goals and things I want to achieve. Already people are saying ‘you’ll need to do that before you have kids’, so I can totally relate! I’m a firm believer that parents who follow their dreams raise children who aren’t scared to go after their own dreams, and that’s what I want for my kids – so big up the dreamers!! X
Thanks 🙂 I totally agree, life doesn’t end when you have kids! We can do it! X
I was freaking out at first too, but so far the pregnancy hasn’t stopped me from doing much and I believe my baby won’t either. I see many people take their kids backpacking, travel with them to countries most people wouldn’t and it’s not really a problem to them – it’s only a problem for some judgemental moms.
Btw South Africa is super family friendly. I used to live there and just had my own babymoon there and can’t wait to bring my baby back soon 🙂
Ahh I just saw your South Africa photos on Instagram, it looked amazing!
Yep, I totally think it’s possible to do. We’ll figure it out!
Thanks Anna! X